Things I want.

I’m not really the demanding type; I don’t stand up randomly in a room full of people and start quoting the preamble and demand things that I ‘think’ I’m entitled to. No, I’m not that person. But I do feel like absolute shit sometimes and then I gather myself up and go to my happy place, it’s a mental exercise that I started doing when Remus Lupin taught Harry Potter how to conjure a Patronus charm, it is instantly reminds me of all the things I’m thankful for and All the things that I want out of life. We live in an overly material and technological world. Feelings don’t really mean anything unless you’re sure that the other person will reciprocate. You’re even scared to make friends with people let alone “let your heart sing” in front of them. You’re constantly scared of being judged, scrutinised or patronised. The hypocrites have gotten to you; admit it and I don’t know about you but I ABSOLUTELY hate it. I hate not being able to talk freely or sing even though I sound like a whale under water when I do that because “What will someone say if they hear me?” I hate that people around me have walls and I have with me only a small hammer to break them with. It’s annoying and tiring and completely irrelevant.

 Anyway, enough of the inconspicuous bantering, let’s focus of the things that I want:

•       I want vulnerable people, like me, around me, who find their strengths in their flaws, who know that they’re standing at the edge of the cliff and they’re still a power house.
•          I want to go on random walks with people, talk about  things that matter to me and matter to them, get some ice-cream maybe and not feel judged or alone or like a sociopath who is talking you on a walk through a dark road and forcing ice-cream eating rituals on you. Nope.
•          I want freedom of speech and people, who understand what I’m saying, completely understand it and probably call out on my bullshit if I’m flinging any at them.
•          I want geeks in my life who get the most boring and slow joke that I make (And let me just tell you that I make a lot of them) and probably retort back with something even more pathetic, slow and loser-faced, desperately.
•          I want to not receive crap instead of a nod or a head shake when I tell people that I don’t melt to them ground with cries of “AWWWWWWW” when I see babies or kittens or a dog with 3 legs that can’t walk properly. I respect all beings of this world but I don’t love every one of them. No, this does not classify me as the spawn of Satan, please check your basics.
•          I want people around me to understand some basic concepts like rejection or failure and develop a radical point of view and personal interpretation for these things and not follow the herd. You are a different person; the person you’re dealing with is a different person. Stop being so hard on everyone.
•          I want books to not leave me feeling so shitty and vulnerable that I cry when the Magus finds out that Brida will never realise that she’s his soul mate. (Seriously, why so corny, Paulo? WHY?)
•          I want to associate a little less with every character that I write about because a split personality disorder is not what I’m looking for at the moment, maybe it will be something that I’d like when I’m 80 years old, Oh!What fun!
•          I want people to understand the intensity of my emotions before I end up crying or shouting or doing anything that is physically indicative towards my state of mind. I cut you some slack before you ask for it, don’t stretch it.
•       I want people to respond to what I write the randomest of people. I want you to know that no matter WHO YOU ARE I will always appreciate you telling me that you sometimes feel the same way that I do or add something to it or tell me that I’m over-reacting. To all the judgemental people who’re reading this – Please save your breath and energy, I've already judged myself for this and oh YOU ARE NO LESS.
•          I also almost always want a hug on days like these. Don’t ask me, I will always deny it. Just give me one.